dawneh
28 September 2008 @ 12:35 pm
 
God it's 12.35pm already - and I've only been out of bed an hour - lazy lazy girl!!

I've been having a browse around the HSamuel website looking at pretty diamond rings and have come to the conclusion... I dont know what type I want!! LOL

This type is really pretty... but then I also like the classic look of These style... oh and I really liked This one

SO yes, very successful there me thinks!!! Still knowing me I wont even get around to ever getting one...
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I'm feeling:: mellow
 
 
dawneh
25 September 2008 @ 09:01 pm
 
I still really want one of THESE. I dont know why but it really appeals to me... I also dont know why I dont just buy it... although I would prefer it in "marble" to bronze!!!

And I've also been thinking about buying myself a diamond ring but that's a bit odd isnt it???
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I'm feeling:: contemplative
 
 
dawneh
24 September 2008 @ 05:37 pm
 
And the song of today was this one by the ever so talented Mr McCartney...



Doesnt it really just sum up most of our every day life... or is that just me?

Another Day... )

I really dont know what's going on in my life anymore... nothing's how it should be and I feel like a complete mess...
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I'm feeling:: confused
 
 
dawneh
23 September 2008 @ 05:06 pm
 
Isnt it strange how sometimes a song comes into your head and for a while you dont know why and then you realise that it's cause THAT is just the way you're feeling...

This has been mine today and yesterday (wish I could find a youtube link)
John Lennon - How )
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I'm feeling:: depressed
 
 
dawneh
21 September 2008 @ 03:03 pm
 
*grumble* I seem to be having one of those weird restless days... which is also going WAY too fast - as always... There are things I want to do and dont seem to be able to get around to... I REALLY want to write more of Vigil - I wanna get to the end of that one... and I NEED to get some ironing done or I'll have nothing to wear next week... but right now I cant be bothered doing much of anything...

I had this whole lovely mellow thing going on for about a week - but that seems to be passing into melancholy now... in fact I found myself in tears in bed last night for no apparent reason I just suddenly had an intense hit of the sads... it's passed now but it wasnt nice...

Oh I havent said Welcome Home to the lovely Andy yet... it's good to have you back sweetheart, I missed you lots but it was worth it as you had such an amazing time ♥
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I'm feeling:: melancholy
 
 
dawneh
18 August 2008 @ 03:52 pm
 
OK crazy brain I give up... please let me sleep now!! My sleep pattern seems to be seriously screwy right now... no matter how tired I feel as soon as I get to bed I'm wide awake again AND then when I do get to sleep I keep on waking up *grrrr* I think maybe my mind is getting over excited cause it's nearly Beatleweek so hopefully it'll settle down over the next couple of nights...

But despite the tiredness today has been a very good day! Muchly with the shopping... I went out with the plan to get a pair or two of jeans and some plain black trousers... not only did I get those but also a couple of gorgeous Per Una tops... a pretty sparkly necklace... oh and a rather adorable sparkly ring... not the one I saw on Saturday cause I decided I liked this one better... tis a pretty little cat face!! I wasnt gonna buy it but I was told I had to ;) (And I'm a good girl, I always do as I'm told!!) *Thanks for telling me to do it sweetheart*
Pic of the ring and my pretty phone!! )

When I was just about shopped out (I dread to think how much I ended up spending... I tend not to keep track of such things...) I only went and bumped into my ex. I was with him quite a few years ago now... my older man! I was about 21 when we started seeing each other and he must have been in his late 30's or early 40's! It was actually nice to see him - I've not seen him for years... God he's hardly changed a bit since we broke up either... I wonder if he thought I had??

So NOW I just have to get my stuff ironed and packed and I'm ready to go... that sounds like a job for tomorrow though - after a nice long lie in - I HOPE!
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I'm feeling:: content
 
 
dawneh
14 August 2008 @ 05:48 pm
 
I seem to be posting a lot at the moment - dont know why that is... must be the reflective "birthday approaching" feeling!

Today's been an OK sorta day - you know apart from the being at work element !!! Aww but bless em.. there I was a lunch time - sat at my desk on t'internet as normal - when Angie brought over a big gooey chocolate cake for my birthday - COMPLETE WITH CANDLE!!! They did it today cause obviously I'll be away on the actual day and Pip is off tomorrow!! Very scrummy cake it was too *drool*

Isn't it funny how things can change in the space of a year... there are a couple people in my life right now who I love so much and cant imagine ever losing touch with but 12 months ago I think I was only just starting to make the vaguest contact with them... and as a result my life is certainly far richer now that it was a year back ♥

ONE MORE DAY OF WORK TILL FREEDOM *HAPPY DANCE*
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I'm feeling:: happy
 
 
dawneh
13 August 2008 @ 08:22 pm
 
I'm having a strangely melancholy moment... not especially sad or down or anything just very *t'sigh*

It feels like things are coming to an end in so many ways - and I guess they are...

The dear, wonderful fandom that has been a central force in my life for the last 2 years has been dying for some time now... and some rather vindictive people (for reasons that I cannot truely fathom and hope never to be able to) have felt the need to add their brand of poison to this little world in the hope of destroying it completely...

Some time ago I fell in love with an incredible love story and through it found some amazing and wonderful people... and now, at last, this story is drawing to its close... by the end of September it really will all be over... and I just hope that they manage to pull off the ending that so many of us have spent so long hoping for although spoiler-cut just in case )

This fandom inspired more writing from me than I have ever imagined possible... before McDean my fan fics were few and far between... but when this story gripped me it was like an explosion and for the longest time I couldnt spend a day without writing... that has slowly faded and I do wonder how much more I have to offer... I have other ideas still lurking in the back of my mind but if they ever see the light of day remains to be seen... it wasnt that long ago that I was wondering if even my current fics would be completed - but I at least want to get that far...

Work this week feels as if it has already lasted too long and there are still 2 days to go... why does the working week seem longer when you're just about to break for a holiday???
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I'm feeling:: melancholy
 
 
dawneh
11 August 2008 @ 07:31 pm
 
Today has been a good day - and considering it's a monday that's somewhat of an achievement!!!

The whole jealousy thing has been addressed and - well I cant say "solved" cause that's not really the right word - but understood and calmed down. Talking it through laid my unneccessary fears to rest and, although I might still get the jealousy twinges, I can see them for what they are and not let them get out of hand.

Only 4 more working days till my holiday... I'm so looking forward to Beatleweek and all the fun that goes with it - although I know I'm gonna miss t'internet - well the special people that I talk to on it... thank god for the power of the mobile phone... poor Andy and Ben might get sick of hearing from me though!!!

So yes, today was a happy day... it does make me wonder though - how I can feel so down one day and then so up the next... of course it doesnt hurt to know that some very special people that I love also love me ... ♥
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I'm feeling:: content
 
 
dawneh
10 August 2008 @ 02:26 pm
 
Further with the jealousy thing... someone very important to me described jealousy as (and I dont remember the exact wording) "A bridge between our love and our insecurity"

I rather like that thought... after all I guess it IS the combination of those two things that allows the jealousy to exist... no matter how unfounded it might be (and I know in this case it really is!)

A happy thought - only one more week of work left till Beatleweek...
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I'm feeling:: confused
 
 
dawneh
09 August 2008 @ 10:27 pm
 
OK how irrational is jealousy? Does it even have a real place in our emotions... it got to be one of the most negative feelings we can get... especially when it's totally unfounded!

And why am I contemplating jealousy... quite obviously cause I happen to be feeling it - and I KNOW I've got no reason to... I KNOW it's completely irrational... but it's still there gnawing at me like some angry little rodent just desperate to cause trouble...

GAH!
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I'm feeling:: jealous
 
 
dawneh
07 August 2008 @ 09:33 pm
 
You've got to wonder what's the point of letting people into your life and your heart... in the end, one way or another, they're gonna leave... be it by choice or by death in the end you'll still end up alone so why bother?

Why do we choose to open ourselves up to heartache time and time again when we know how much it hurts? Isnt it better to spend your life alone rather than feel that pain?

Today, I think, was a day designed to see if it could break me... and yes it pretty much managed to... from the moment I opened my eyes it's gone from bad to worse... work-wise, personally, fandomlly (I think I just made that word up!)

Still it wont be too long before I'm back where I belong in that place where I paint on the smile and pretend to be happy and no one notices how I'm falling apart... I'm safe there and I dont expect anything...

We've got a night out planned tomorrow... which I already predict will either consist of some SERIOUS level faking it... or drinking too much and totally breaking down... so I'd say the not drinking much is the way to go...

Sorry for another depressing post from me...
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I'm feeling:: distressed
 
 
dawneh
27 July 2008 @ 01:13 pm
 
I dont know what has possessed me to do this... but still...

How cute was I once... )
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I'm feeling:: nostalgic